Okay, so this was in fourth grade, and I was in this class with all these dumbass kids. Here’s some context: My parents typically pack me fruit for a snack, but this time they packed me like half of the leftover Pringles from the day before, you know, in that tubular container. I was thrilled because I LOVE PRINGLES. But when recess came around so I could take MY Pringles and go eat it outside, they were missing from my bag. I started scoping the area, trying to find my Pringles. I call the teacher, she tries to find them but she can’t either. Then this thought comes to my mind—What if MOIRA STOLE IT? Moira was this chubby girl in my class who ALWAYS wore a purple princess dress that looked like a bad Halloween costume (seriously), and she was known for being mean. Being a judgmental 9-10 year old, I immediately concluded that she must’ve taken my damn Pringles. I just tell my teacher, “Well too bad, I’ll just go out for recess now. It was just PRINGLES.” Being a little angel. So I stomp out of the class and start searching for Moira. I’m talking checking areas, finding witnesses, wasting my time. After about 10 minutes, I spot a group of kids gathered at the side of one of the portable classrooms. I rush over to see what it is. The kids were eating Pringles. Barbecue flavored Pringles. MY PRINGLES. I start raging as I smack the Pringles out of the kids’ hands and start ripping people away from the main source. And right in the middle of them all was a smug-looking MOIRA with my PRINGLES. I look all mad and rip the BLOODY EMPTY CONTAINER OF PRINGLES OUT OF THE DAMN BITCH’S FILTHY HANDS. By now even dumbass Moira knows what’s up, she’s a goner. I would’ve at least punched her, but a supervisor saw us and ran over. Moira was forced to apologize and I was forced to accept her damn apology. I never got to eat my Pringles. To this day I’m sure she fears my cold dead hands, ready to rip her lying face off.